lunablossom's Diaryland Diary

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Old Age, Better Than Windex

I just watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and I realized how much I miss the manic, childish, glowing first days of a relationship. How I wish we could recapture the lazy afternoons in bed where I would read out loud and he would paint my toe nails. The quality of the sun as it fell on us as if through stained glass windows. Running, chasing, spinning through the days powered by gleeful laughs and phantasmic euphoria. The world, every moment, is caught like a snow globe- frozen moments of wavering light that fade and shy from the day the older you get. We don't need a computer to snatch the memory of joy from our minds. It smears itself away. TV, computer, work, children, the constant drudgery of housework.
Like layers of grime scraped across Mona Lisa's brow. Calcium deposits white and plain, obscuring David's features. We erase our own happiness. We forever strive to obtain everything except what is most important-the spontaneous laugh of a child.
Death comes quickly, not as a winged reaper or murder of crows but as diminished youth. Absent joy.
The feeling of enjoyment children get by being out of control is gone for adults. The euphoria of a chase or a swing or a scare flies away, leaving us cemented in shoes of a listless sedentery life.
I want to feel the light reflected from a bell.

11:30 a.m. - 2005-01-05

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