lunablossom's Diaryland Diary

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The Ups and Downs of Going Back To College

I feel bad for not writing here more often, especially with so much going on in my life. These are times I want to remember always and if I don't record them they will surely be lost.
Michael was approved for unemployment and is enjoying his vacation. His paperwork for school is done and he's paying off his back loans so we can get student loans when the unemployment runs out. He's happy. For the first time in his life he's happy and responsible. He's paying bills on time and budgeting well. We still overdraw our bank account every couple of weeks but all of our bills are paid.
When Michael started getting excited about school he began bugging me about going back to school with him. School, college, terrifies me, I failed so miserably the first time that I'm scared I'll fail again and prove to everyone that I'm nothing but an over laguaged dummy. I was so scared it made my knees weak but Mike finally talked me into it and by the time I'd found the right office and filled out the right forms I was looking forward to it and feeling that maybe I was capable enough to finish college after all.
Rhe next day I was nearly jumping for joy when I heard I'd been approved for re-addmitance. Then the curse (what I've finally decided is Karma) kicked in. I can't go back until I've paid off a $2600 loan from 10 years ago, in full. I was devastated. My emotions have been so manic lately. On the other hand, one of my stories got picked for publication and I just can't seem to get excited about it. I haven't looked at it since I got notice even though I have to straighten out my chapters and work on a book cover. I should be bouncing up and down.
We registered Ari for kindergarten the other day. I'm so proud of her. She's beautiful and well adjusted and ready to learn and share. We took her to the doctor the other day for her studder. He gave us the name of a family psychiatrist because I told him I think it's anxiety. Now I've put that off like every thing else and not it has changed a little. If I can't get off my ass to make a doctors appointment how am I going to succeed at school?
My good friend from Philly is visiting on the tenth and I just can't wait. It will be nice to have a girlfriend around. Some one I can stay up late with, watch stupid chick flicks, and eat sweets. Or someone to go to the gym with.(yeah right)
My routine has been shot all to hell but Mike has mentioned a couple times how he wants to do this or that and I think it might be nice to start up a new routine. Though, so far our routine consists of staying up late, sleeping late and ignoring each other while we surf the 'net. This winter will be ten years together, I want to spend it in Disney World

7:26 p.m. - 2005-04-29

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