lunablossom's Diaryland
Diary
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I'm Scared and It's Snowing
This week and last have been strange. Last week we were standing around at a party, watching the kids play. The sun was out and it was 80- shorts weather. A nice breeze was blowing and I was making new friends and feeling... well, included.
Yesterday it snowed. I should have suspected something was amiss- the elements of water and air cried out to be heard, the wind whispered "beware". Or maybe it was just PMS.
Today Mike lost his job. Not fired but laid off. He's thrilled, talking about severence pay and unemployment. Saying things like "go back to college" and "financial aid". The best was, "It'll all work out."
He hyped me up for a month about this huge chunk of change and now, not only do we not have extra money, we don't even have enough to get by. This fucking sucks and I'm scared to death. 80 degrees or not, it's not nice to be homeless with three kids.
Right now I could scream. I want to leave him right now. Yell as him for jeapordizing out well being because he was dis-satisfied with his job. Then I realize I'm being dramatic. For as hard as he tried he wasn't fired because he was lazy or a bad worker- he got laid off, a nameless expense that the company culd no longer afford. One of the two dozen+ people who have to go home and re-evaluate being a telemarketer at almost thirty.
And we won't be homeless or cold because Mike's dad gives us enough to cover rent and electric. We get more than enough food stamps to hold us over grocery wise and he's positive they will give him full unemployment because we have 3 kids.
And he has the guts to go back to school which is something that terrifies me to the core. I realize he's a strong, wise, responsible man who takes care of us no matter what the cost and even while I'm scared to death of ebing poor/a failure/whatever I trust him to take care of me. I put my whole faith and trust in my husband and thats what counts.
Everything else just makes life complicated.
4:01 p.m. - 2005-03-16
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