lunablossom's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Sir or Ma'am, This is to Inform You... A really good friend of mine tried to commit suicide last week and for some reason my head doesn't know how to react. My first reaction was to be angry and sad because she didn't come to me for help. Didn't even let me know she was contemplating suicide. It becomes all about me and I know that's wrong so I try to push myself deeper inside my brain, deeper inside my heart to see how I really feel about her trying and all I come up with is fear, anger, depression. Mostly anger. I want to scream, "How could she fucking do this to me? How could she try to leave me like this without even a goodbye or an I love you?" But then again, this isn't about me. It's about her and all the troubles she has in her life. It's not about me. Then I start to feel guilty. Was I so blinded by trivial, meaningless things that I missed her cry for help? Did I miss her goodbye? Was it plastered around me like a great big neon sign? I could feel the stress building up inside of me like a pressure cooker and now it spills over in tears. I can't take the frustration of being half way across the world from her recieving second hand messages and rumors from people I hardly know about someone I thought loved me enough to tell me. 10:29 a.m. - 2005-01-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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