lunablossom's Diaryland Diary

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It's Back To The Bottle

Right now Mike is at work speaking with the unemployment people. He's been gone for an hour. I'm terrified he'll come home and tell us that for whatever reason, they aren't going to pay for unemployment. He's expecting full benefits for up to six months, which would cover us until he goes back to school. It would help us pay back his old student loans and make him elegible for new ones in September. He hopes he can pay 10% of his tuition in August and then pay the rest in Sept. It would also leave us paying for Semester 1's books out of pocket.
I went back to the doctor today. I was there two weeks ago with chest pain and trouble breathing. Anxiety attacks, go figure. He gave me some samples and I have been ignoring them. He chastised me briefly then encouraged me to take the pills and told me to call him in a week to let him know how I feel. I warned him that anti-deppressents don't get along well with me but he wants me to try them. I promised I would but I've already "forgotten" to take them four times since we got home. I told him I just needed to start drinking again. He didn't seem to agree. I don't see the difference between a mind altering drug in pill form and a mind altering drug in liquid form. Even though I've been alcohol free for 14 months I'm still tempted to get blitzed. My stress level is through the roof. I need help.
I really want a glass of wine, hell a bottle. But instead I'll take my pill. I'm giving it a week- if it's not working by Friday...

4:42 p.m. - 2005-03-21

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